Top Ten Skyrim Dislikes

As I said they would be, here are my top ten dislikes from Skyrim:

10) Graphical glitches in this game are few and far between, but they still happen.  The one that amuses me the most is when you mine.  When you activate a vein of ore, you just kind of slide into position to mine it no matter what's in your way.  I slid through mushrooms and even the floor to mine some iron ore.  Now that's dedication.

9) Dual-wielding is a bit awkward, and I know I mentioned it as something that I love, but there are parts that I don't like.  The power attacks are cumbersome and make you flail all over the place while the normal attacks are slow at first.  Of course you can increase the speed with a perk, but that's a different story altogether.

8) Giants; those fuckers are huge!  I don't mind big enemies, but the giants are just so damn difficult no matter what setting you're on.  The attacks shake your screen and cause confusion as well as a hell of a lot of damage.  Add that in with a herd of mammoths and you are just fucked.

7) The transportation in the game is limited and walking everywhere is just a pain in the ass.  Even when you get the Dark Brotherhood horse or buy your own at a stables, the only thing it's really good for is fighting!  I swear that the horses run out of stamina faster than you and run only slightly faster than you.  So when you're going to a location that you haven't discovered yet, have fun walking your ass there.

6) Food is a huge waste of time.  Sure it makes the game more realistic, and it's kind of fun making grilled salmon, but it's fucking worthless.  It's just dead weight in your pack.  Potions weigh less and pack a greater punch.  Now if food crafting was a skill and the food gave you some properties like potions, then it would be worth it.

5) There are so many Draugr and it gets boring fighting them.  I mean really, I know that they're a big part of Skyrim culture and tradition, but why the hell do I fight forty of them in basically every dungeon?  Give me some more variety.  Also, stop allowing them to Shout weapons out of my hands!  I lost some pretty damn good weapons that way.

4) I find that the weapon skill trees are disappointing.  I know that there's not much you can do with the weapon perks, but both the two-handed and one-handed trees are the same and offer very little in the way of variety.  You can either choose to continue to increase damage or level up your power attacks.  Lame.

3) The shopkeepers have absolutely no money.  It's ridiculous!  I can't unload even one dungeon's worth of items at three different shops that all buy different things!  I can hardly sell the potions that I make while leveling up my alchemy skill that I don't want.  There are perks to increase the money that the shops have, but why can't their funds scale with your level?

2) I was really hoping that now that we're in Skyrim, we'd see more of a variety of armor and weapon types, but I'm disappointed here again. We really only see the same ones that we've seen before with the addition of Ancient Nord, Skyforge Steel, and a few others, but really they're just palette swapped with other types in the game.

1) My number one complaint with this game is the goddamn dragons.  That's right, I really don't like how they are unscripted.  I could be just running along, minding my own business while killing some bandits, and a fucking dragon pops up and makes me sit there shooting at it until it lands and then I have to kill it.  This happens way too frequently to be fun and until you beat the main questline, you don't have a way to get the damn things out of the sky, you just need to wait until they land, if they ever do.  It's too bad that my main problem with the game had to be the major enemies, but what can you do?

All in all, I love Skyrim and even if I get bombarded with dragons every 15 minutes, I'm still going to keep playing.

Skyrim

During my time away from this blog, I've been playing a metric shit ton of Skyrim.  I'd love to do some kind of comprehensive review of the thing, but it's just too huge for me to compile at this point in time.  This is my busy time at work and I tend to have less time/want to write when I get home from the office.  In any case, in lieu of a giant review, I'm going to do a top 10 of things that I love and things that I dislike about Skyrim.

Also, before I get started, if you don't want any spoilers, don't read ahead, just look away.

Things I love about Skyrim

10) Acrobatics is gone.  I hated that garbage skill from the last few games.  It's just a worthless waste of stamina.  Now when you jump, you don't waste any energy whatsoever.  Granted this was a skill that I used to pick just to be able to level up by hopping all about and I have now lost that ability, but I've gained a sense of dignity.  No more hopping for levels for me.

9) Enchanting is much easier; I mean MUCH easier.  Instead of having to clear an Oblivion Gate just to get a damn stone for enchanting, you can just disenchant the garbage equipment that you get and use those same enchantments on your new weapons.  The level of your enchanting skill, the perks you've chosen for that skill tree, and the level of the soul in your soul gem are all factors that determine the power of the enchantment.  So much more user-friendly.

8) The third-person view is much improved.  Okay, this one is pretty minor, but it made this position because it's just that damn important to me to be able to see my character move fluidly when in 3rd person.  I don't want to see Gastalf, my dual-spell wizard, running like a damn robot.  I want to see him move like a human being...or Argonian, whatever.

7) Dual-wielding, 'nuf said.  There's a love and dislike factor here for me, which is why it's so low.  The fighting is a little awkward if you use two weapons, but spell and sword is still pretty great.  What I'd like to see are combination attacks with what you have in your two hands further than just having more powerful spells when you do dual-casting.  I want to shoot some fire on my sword, stab a Skeever, and then loot Charred Skeever Hide after it's dead, not just a Skeever Tail and a gold.  (How the hell did it get a gold in the first place?)

6) Bethesda kept the story consistent.  We aren't seeing the same old garbage rehashed though, we're seeing a brand new game with ties to the older games.  Everywhere you see references back to Morrowind and Oblivion.  Each time I see one I have a nostalgic memory of game times gone by.

5) Spell Tomes are much easier to use than the clunky magic system from Oblivion.  Gone are the days where you have to find someone to train with to get spells.  Now you just find Spell Tomes, or buy them, everywhere.  There are a limited number of spells, but with access to all of them via these Tomes, the spell system is much better overall.

4) Blacksmithing is a great way to get new weapons for cheap and level up.  I love being able to go mining in a creature-infested mine to get ore of all types to make my own shit.  Armor, Jewelry, and Weapons are all craftable and improvable in Skyrim and combining the Blacksmithing skill with Enchanting is just one of the ways that your character is able to command their entire environment.

3) Followers are so much better than in Oblivion.  They react to what weapon you have and what weapon the enemy has as well as what distance you are at.  For instance, Aela the Huntress will shoot her bow until the close range game starts and then whip out a shield and sword.  What's most impressive is that I can command her to move to a different location or activate a lever while I fight or activate some other part of a dungeon by a simple command.  I just remember that my old followers in Oblivion would get demolished instantly, while here in Skyrim, they seem to be able to think and strategize.

2) The leveling system has been much improved upon since Oblivion.  Rather than choosing your major and minor skills and leveling up by increasing the former, you now level everything equally.  Sure you start with some skills that are higher than others based upon your race, but that's alright because each skill increase brings you closer to that level 50.  Each increase isn't equal though, as those skills that are lower and higher go up with varying speeds and add to the overall level differently, so to get to level 50 you need to grind hard and vary your skill base.

1) My number one love with Skyrim has to be the environment.  Everything just fits.  The trees you see, the plants, the mountains, the creatures, everything just feels like it belongs in Skyrim.  When I see an elk run by me in the game it feels like I just saw one while on some hike in the Rockies.  Not that I know if there are elk in the Rockies, but that it feels like you are in Skyrim.  It feels like you are the character you created and are going on an adventure to save the land from the dragons.  That's what I'm looking for in an RPG, I want to feel like I am the character, that I'm invested in Skyrim's people and care about saving them.  This is why Skyrim is fantastic.

Tune in tomorrow when I go through my top ten dislikes.  Yeah, not hates, there's nothing I hate about the game yet.  Also, these two posts are kind of a diversion while I finish up my first TV series review.  I'll give you a hint on what show it's on:  Adult Swim presents a solar-powered superhero turned lawyer.  That may have been too much of a hint...

Card Game Review: Scrabble Slam

I fucking love Scrabble.  It's a game that I do well at AND enjoy.  It's like my Holy Grail of competitive, intelligent board games.  So when I found out that there was a Scrabble card game, for on the go and quick Scrabble action, I just about shit my pants.  I was so very excited to get it and play that I bought it based solely on the fact that it says Scrabble on the front without investigating it much further.  Unfortunately my excitement turned to bitter resentment that has kept Scrabble Slam to one lifetime game.  This is literally the second time that I've opened this box to the hellish mockery lurking underneath.

The box itself is pretty cool: red an black with some nice gradient effects that catch your eye.

Looks enticing, right?

The cards are also decent, but the visual stuff isn't what breaks the game, it's the actual gameplay.  One player comes up with a four letter word that becomes the base word.  The rest of the deck is then handed out to the rest of the players.  The guide then says to say, "Ready, Set, Slam!" to begin play, but I find that you can play even without saying that.  Lying bastards!  Play proceeds in that each player can just yell out the word that they are changing the base word to and play one side of one of their cards down on the base word.  The winner is that player that finishes up their hand of cards first.  There are no rules besides acceptable, disputed, and repeated words...What the hell kind of game is that?!  You just yell out a four letter word, there are plenty that I can come up with I assure you, and play one card on top of the other?  There aren't turns or rounds or anything resembling an actual game, it's just chaos.  Chaos dotted by immaturity.  Whether we like it or not, everyone is thinking the same thing when playing this game, "I can spell damn and shit, but are those 'accepted' words?"  Let me tell you, if you're talking about how damn shitty I think this game is, then yes, they're highly acceptable.

All in all, I guess this isn't a terrible game to being with, but when they slammed the name Scrabble on it, Parker Brothers and Hasbro gave it expectations that it couldn't live up to.  Why name a game after another game that it has nothing to do with?  That's just poor marketing.  If you're wanting to play some quick Scrabble action either on the go or at home, my advice is to get it for your phone or iDevice.  Avoid this thing like the plague that it is.

Lazy Post

I'm tired today and don't have the brain energy left to bother with some type of review or rant or anything.  Instead just take a look at the funny links.  Funny if you're a gamer, that is:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/photoshop-phriday/wrong-end-bosses.php

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/photoshop-phriday/wrong-end-bosses2.php

Here's one for Star Wars fans and fans of classic art:

http://www.somethingawful.com/d/photoshop-phriday/star-wars-art.php

Tomorrow or Thursday we should see another "normal" post.

Card Game Review 1: Skip-Bo

When I was a kid, my family used to play board games a lot.  I mean a lot.  Rather than having family meetings or talking with each other a lot, we would play board games and things would just naturally progress from there into stories of our days and all that jazz.  In my opinion it's the best way to get a kid talking and learning and I'd happily use this the same tactics on my own children.

In any case, I want to review a card game from my childhood called Skip-Bo.

In all it's glory.

Fist off, I want to address the name.  What the hell does Skip-Bo mean?  I did a bit of research and found out that the game is sort of a commercial grade Spite and Malice card game.  Well, that's disappointing.  I was really hoping that it had something to do with some kind of ancient sect of Bo fighters.  What a ripoff.

The idea is that you're playing competitive Solitaire, you build up the center piles while reducing your stockpiles.  The first one to get their stock to zero is the winner.  At least that's how we play it.  According to the rules there's some sort of scoring bullshit.  I guess that the winner of each game get five points for each card remaining in the opponent's stock and 25 points for winning the game.  Why the hell would you do that?  Just play each game seperately and don't keep track of score, it makes things a lot easier on everyone involved.

It's a pretty simple game, but it's highly addictive.  The center piles are empty at the start of the game, and play goes until someone has a one or Skip-Bo to lay down as a foundation. From there, you and your opponent(s), the game is for 2-6 players, alternate turns building each pile up to the 12 card.  Once a center pile is at that point, a new one is started until all of the stockpiles are gone.  As a twist to the original Solitaire, the creators introduced a card that allows you to skip a number; that's the Skip-Bo.  The game's directions indicate to you that it's "wild".  Well, it was wild when I thought it meant an ancient fighting style that use a Bo Staff like Donatello!  Now it's just some kind of skipping crap.  Now there's an image, skipping crap over Lake Superior.  Enjoy that for just a moment.

I'd love to know why Donatello looks like somebody just skipped crap in front of him.

So there's not much left to say about this, but I do find a few things just a little odd.  Why do the Skip-Bo cards have to have the copyright symbol twice?  Did Mattel think that we were going to forget that they copyrighted the phrase and the game?  Why can't they just have it on the damn box and call it good?  The last irk that this game has for me is that in the directions, every reference to something in the game is in capital letters like we wouldn't know that it's referring to what we just read.  Here's a great example:

4. Discard Pile: During play, each player may build up to four DISCARD piles to the left of his STOCK pile.  They can build up any number of cards in any order in the DISCARD pile, but may only play the top card.

Whatever, it's just a game.  My final and favorite thing about this has to be this phrase: "Also SKIP-BO cards are wild.  This is important."  Yeah, it's important alright, but can't we make that determination on our own?

Anyway, besides a few nitpicky things that I found while rifiling through the game, Skip-Bo is a great game, and I'd reccommend it to anyone.  It's fun to play with two players, and even more fun to play with six.  Either way you play it, I guarantee you'll have fun; and always remember...This is important.

First Movie Review:

Brain Twisters is the name of this "classic" from 1991.  It's part of a 12 movie set that I got at a rummage sale for a dollar called Gorehouse Greats.  I've watched a few of these and I haven't seen any gore, just a little blood and some breasts.  What kind of title is that misleading?  It's not great, and there's no gore; hell, there's barely even a house.

The DVD's box describes the movie like this, "A mad, sci-fi thriller about an experiment in computer-generated mind control that gets out of control...and the body count is building!  So the movie itself is mad, or is there a mad scientist?  Also, mind control is killing people?  This small plot reveal really doesn't do anything for me.  It just seems worthless because the information is too vague.  If this were a movie that I actually wanted to gain some information on before watching, the back of the box wouldn't do me any good; and the company has the same format for each of the 12 movies on this set!  I guess you're just supposed to buy this thing on a whim and hope for the best like I did.  The only difference between you and me is that I got it for a dollar and you had to buy it for retail.  Sucks to be you.

One other nitpicky thing I hate about the physical aspects of the box and DVDs themselves is that the movies don't go in order!  So, reading from the back, the movies are in alphabetical order, makes sense, right?  Then, when you open up the damn box you have four movies to a DVD, two on both sides, but they don't follow the same order from the case.  So instead of scanning the back once and counting which DVD will have the movie I want to watch I have to go through the painstaking effort of looking at each disc individually.  When did convenience become too difficult for companies to produce?  Oh yeah, and take a look at the cover picture:

It's just so misleading it's not even funny.  The picture makes you think that some of the movies on here will be worth the $5 that you find it for at Wal-Mart because it looks decent and modern, but it's just a trick.  Anyway, enough with that, let's just get into the freaking movie.

As the pre-movie credits roll I hear this familiar droning song.  After about ten seconds, I finally figure it out: it's the music from all of the DVD menus!  Why is it taken from this one film?  Is this the seller's personal preference from this set of movies?  Was this one song just that good?  Unfortunately I couldn't find this song on the internet so the reader's ears cannot be graced by it, which is just dandy for them.

The first scene is a car crash that's never referenced again, or wait, it is, just too far into the movie to really matter anymore.  Some guy is driving down the road while the camera flashes back and forth between that and some girl running with headphones.  Both the music in the car and on the headphones reminds us that it's the very early nineties.  We see the car come close to the woman and then we see her headphones go flying straight up into the air.  Of course that's what happens when you get hit by a fast moving vehicle; and that's really our only indication that the woman was hit.  Who are these people and why do we care?  Long story short is that we don't know and we don't care.

We flash to some crazy video screen with pixelated images and flashing colors.  None of it is impressive.  I know it's 1991, but Nintendo was in full swing at this point in time.  Couldn't the production team get something better than some rejected Atari images and vector graphics?  The only redeeming quality of these video portions are the sounds.  It really does sound like someone was playing some old game on an Intellivision and they recorded the audio for the movie.  Now pull up a quick video of Mario and watch it for thirty seconds.  Go ahead, I'll wait.

...

Each of those thirty seconds are 1000 times greater than every second of this movie.

So right, there are two women watching the screens in some crazy space pod with delorian doors, remote controls, and keyboards.  They're hooked up to diodes and all they do is stare at the flashing colors.  Eventually the stuff stops and one girl gets out.  I think this one is Yvonne; I really don't remember.  All of the characters in this film have names, I just didn't care enough to learn them really well.  She gets out and gets some money for the test while the coordinator is on the phone with a corporate guy.  Something about terminating the project because of no progress with the research.  No progress is right, Nintendo is pumping out 8-bit games with a vengeance and they're definitely dominating these gimped Atari games.

As Yvonne leaves she sees the janitor.  Why is this significant?  There's no dialog!  The janitor is a recurring character with very little dialog, but we just know that he plays some part at the end.  The director force feeds us that fact every time we see the guy.  We establish some of the other characters in a lecture class; there's a slutty girl who comes in wearing a bra/bikini thing, Denise, and Lori.  The only interesting thing that happens here is that Denise asks Lori about going to aerobics and then later asks her boyfriend, Ted, if he wants to go to the carnival.  Did she forget about aerobics already?  She said that she wanted to lose weight but she also wants to go to a haven for fried food?  Not smart.

Denise and Ted leave the class and run into the janitor, who's also the gardener.  Does no one else do any type of maintenance at this University?  At least I think it's a school... They've established the characters but not the location.  I just assumed it's a college because of the class.  Whatever.  Then Ted looks off into the distance and Denise asks him if he's alright in this weird echoy voice, over and over again until you just want to hit something.  The slutty character implies about how she got her "B" average by having sex with her teachers.  She must not be very good in bed if she only got "Bs."  Maybe she should try a course in Kama Sutra.

Our first scene with a death involves Ted and Denise coming back from the carnival, I think, and going to Denise's place where they say goodnight.  Ted gets pissed and complains about not getting any.  He leaves and Denise gets ready for aerobics in her super-chromatic dorm apartment.  Also, for some reason she takes her stuffed teddy bear into the bathroom with her.  I really don't know what that's about.  Why would anyone take their stuffed animal into the bathroom?  While she's cuddling her bear in front of the mirror there's a killer's POV while random sounds play; yawn.  There's no killshot or violence of any kind.  All we see is Lori popping in and her finding Denise hanging by her neck from a towel.  Lori runs out of the room and uses a payphone to call the police.  Why the fuck didn't she use the phone in the room?  It was right there and she saw the door shut when the killer left!  Why pay the change to use the damn payphone when you can call from two feet away?!

We shoot to the Professor at home where the slut comes over to talk about her paper.  Prof. Rothman gives her a glass of wine and she asks if he has, "Any suggestions on how to improve it," or "any pointers that he wants to give her."  How freaking blatant can you be?  Rothman says yes and flat out tells her she should drop out of school and be a whore somewhere else.  He decides to put her into a work study for "nerve stimulation."  She looks confused for a bit and finally says that it's kinky.  There's also a detective, Frank, that questions Lori and Ted that night about Denise's death.  The questioning is too intense for Ted, I guess, because he kills himself while a pinball machine, dart machine, and a Commando arcade machine blare in the background.  His body is taken to Rothman's lab where the Professor takes off his head and puts it in a jar, which we don't get to see.  Classic mad scientist without the mad or classic.  The detective questions the professor about the body and gets it taken to the morgue for an autopsy.  During the whole scene, everyone is so concerned about the neuroscientist having a brain in his fucking lab.  Why is that so strange?!

There's more random lab footage with Atari sounds and graphics.  Blah, blah, blah.  The slutty woman goes to the work study and runs into the janitor.  What does this movie have against janitors?  The only exciting thing here is that the girl's screen looks like the original tempest game.  After all that crap we see some girl staring into a pool for a minute.  Is this some sort of dream or simulation?  She looks like the slutty girl, but apparently she's Yvonne?  This is where the movie gets insane and starts becoming super disjointed.  Yvonne, Lori, and Yvonne's boyfriend go get food and a car wash.  For some reason the boyfriend wants to have a threesome.  I have no idea where this dialog comes from.  The scene just starts and he brings it up.  They laugh it off, but haunts you for a much longer time.  Also, why are they getting a car wash when the car is spotless?!

Yvonne has some kind of reaction from the car wash that's supposed to be linked to the work study.  We watch her stretch for a few minutes and then she runs out of the car and away into the daytime.  The insane thing is that she's perfectly dry afterwards.  Did she have some kind of invisible force field or umbrella?  Then we flash to a Halloween party where Yvonne has a psychedelic experience in the tub, grabs a scissors, slices the throat of a guy, and stabs her boyfriend in the back twice.  Both of them die and no one tries to stop her.  What the hell?  It's a goddamn scissors, not an axe!

Later we go to Rothman at the bar and he has a talk with the company and wants to stop the killings.  Halfway through the call he just stops talking because of a song with flashing lights and shit.  He propositions a girl and then smashes her boyfriend in the head with a glass bottle.  Then for some reason he shows up on like forty monitors in the bar.  Am I the only one that doesn't understand what's going on?  I reallly hope not.

There's also this scene where Detective Frank asks Lori to come over for dinner.  It's been established that she hates him, but she accepts anyway as some kind of disjointed plot device.  The dinner is really odd; he makes a salad and noodles that he claims is olive oil, clams and fresh garlic.  Of course when he explains this he asks Lori which of those items she is.  What the fuck kind of question is that?  We jump to them doing dishes and she makes fun of an apron he's wearing.  At this point I'm just confused and feel like I'm out of my mind, like I'm being subjected to the work study myself.  At this point the whole original plot feels so far out of scope that it's pointless to even refer back to it.  Lori then turns on the TV and Uncle Ted's Monstermania is going to start playing but some agent of the company in a truck turns on a machine that does the work study software shit.  Lori stares at it like it's a freaking movie...Why doesn't she change the channel? It was never established that you can't move when you're watching it.  She comes after the detective with a knife and she starts making out with him like a crazy person and then shoves him off.  Again, what the fuck does this have to do with the original plot, and why is it so crazy?  Then she tells him to leave?!  I thought it was his house!  She throws food at him and yells.   Whatever.

There's another lecture?!  Why are we watching everything these people do, little to none of it pretains to the damn story!  The professor leaves his dog tied up to the stairs, and then the dog runs away from him and he just lets it go?  What an asshole!  Some time later, or at the same time (I really can't be sure), Lori calls Frank and apparently she's not mad at him anymore for her being insane at him.

Rothman questions Lori about being frank's lover and puts his hand on her shoulder, talking about how big of a help she is and how he'd hate to lose her. What the hell is going on?!  We have never seen her help him, nor has he ever expressed himself to her in this way.  Why is it happening now and if it's not built up to, why should we care?  Then he looks outside and asks if she wants an ice cream from the ice cream truck below...Lori wants vanilla and the professor tells her that she should be more daring.  She has him pick the flavor and looks as fucking confused as I feel right now.  The actress was probably thinking, "Oh good lord why in the hell did I take this role, it's going to ruin my career that hasn't even started yet."  Anyway, the meat of the scene is that Lori snoops around while Rothman is smiling and humming while bringing in two ice cream cones with blood red ice cream. What kind of flavor could that even represent? Oh, right, he tells us it's Raspberry Twirl.  Great.  Before Rothman can get back, Lori finds a notebook of his where he drew bleeding breasts, spider webs, and things dying with sharpies.  That's exactly what I expected.

The slut goes back to the work study, finally some continuity, and does something that we've never seen before.  She turns up the "LEVEL OF STIMULATION" on the machine and watches some crazy shit while grimacing.  When she comes out of the machine her boyfriend tells her that they should leave, but she wants to have a little "fun" first.  They kiss and she stabs his carotid with her acrylic nails.  For a stupid bimbo, she sure knows how to hit an artery.

Rothman follows Lori to her house and begs to be let in.  He goes crazy and starts pounding on the door; where we get our first real swearing and emotion of the entire movie, but after that the professor gets in and starts mumbling at Lori while she slowly walks backwards.  He strangles her while talking about how she's the same as all of the other shit on the planet.  He leaves and gets shot by the janitor, who was working for Biotronics the whole time.  Ah, there's the connection.  It's not fun that I found it, like it would be in other movies.  Instead it's just there.  There like a shit stain on the underwear of this movie.  The janitor goes to kill Lori but Frank hits him with his car and squishes him into a tree.  Kind of cool, but there's no blood or gore, and we barely see anything happen.

Flash to the CEO of Biotronics, and his driver, killed in the car by the loose girl's nails.  Why don't the people fight back?  They get strangled a little bit and then freeze while the girl uses her acrylic nails to kill them.  What a bunch of bullshit.

Lori and Frank find the slutty girl back at the lab staring at the ceiling.  Lori is supposed to be shocked, but doesn't seem so.  She then makes some connection between when she tried to get into Frank's pants and the company.  There was one there, she's right, but how in the hell could she make that connection without any evidence?  Even an inkling couldn't have formed, there's no evidence of a connection whatsoever.  As Lori comes to this conclusion, we see loose girl coming for her through the glass window of the swinging doors.  Frank pulls Lori away as the nails come crashing through the glass.  And then...nothing.  No climactic fight scene or something, just nothing.  We hear noises, look at loose girl's eyes and she just stands there.  Why doesn't she come through the SWINGING DOORS?  She could come through, kill the both of them and call it a night.  I'd like that.  The end of the movie we see some kid playing a video game called Brain Twisters.  His mom calls him down, but he angrily screams at her, "I'll be right THERE MOTHER."

So this was all about video games and how noises and colors stimulate your mind to make you crazy?  Why would I have ever thought about that until the end?  There's no connection here.  That's what this movie is all about, connections from violence to video games.  If the movie is about one type of connections, why can't the fucking scenes actually relate back to the main plot?  Couldn't the director keep one string of thought throughout the entire film?  Maybe he was playing too many video games.

Back into the Swing

So I haven't posted in basically forever.  I figured I would stop for a week or so after my wedding and then come back immediately, but I haven't had much to say in the last couple months.  In any case, I am going to start posting again, hopefully as soon as next week.  I don't think I'll have as many posts as I did when I first started, but I'm hoping that they will be of better length and quality.

To that end, I'm adding some content to the blog that's not video gaming.  I'd like to branch out into other types of games, card, board, and tabletop.  Also movie and TV reviews will be coming into the fold while and one should expect more retro console and game reviews.  Essentially I'd like to provide a broader multimedia experience to the user and keep things fresh for myself.

For now though, I'll get back to Skyrim, but come Monday, I'll have my first real movie review for you all to enjoy.

Post 31: TGS

Damn, I haven't written a post in awhile.  Additionally, it's going to be sparse in the next week or two as I'm getting married to the love of my life on Saturday and will be spending copious amounts of time with her.  For today, however, I wanted to briefly go over some of the cool things that were at the Tokyo Game Show in the past few days.

New Excitement.  Gotta love New Sensations too.

My favorite of the TGS?  Steel fucking Battalion.  I believe that I've already commented on how this game had a huge-ass giant robot controller when it came out for the original Xbox and it was glorious.  Painful, but glorious.  Nothing beats controlling a giant robot with your body via the Kinect.  This system has allowed for the creation of games that have never before been controlled with the body, and it shines the most at events like this one.

Without the white hair, he just looks funny.

Devil May Cry.  That's all we really need to hear.  The franchise is awesome and the plot of the games consists of a half-demon half-human hero with dual pistols and an array of bladed weapons saving the world again and again.  Capcom has always done a wonderful job with this series and I'm anticipating an exceptional return with the newest.  From what I understand the game takes us back to Dante's past when he was younger and more unbalanced.  It sounds like the game is going to be a wonderful, intense ride through this fun character's history.

Another highly anticipated title that's similar to Devil May Cry's style of gameplay is Ninja Gaiden 3.  Hayabusa's back in a big way.  The stylish ninja is slowing down a bit.  Instead of the super-high paced action that we saw in the last couple of games, it appears that this third installment will instead focus more on developing the character and connecting them more firmly with the player.  Besides DMC, this game has some of the most stunning visuals during combat that I saw in all of the trailers I had a chance to look at from TGS.  Also, who doesn't love ninjas fighting huge robots?  There's nothing better.

The last game that I wanted to talk about is Street Fighter X Tekken.  I have some reservations about this game.  I can't see the super fast controls of Street Fighter meshing that well with the slower pace of Tekken.  Also, in my mind, I've always seen Street Fighter as more of a quirky set of characters rather than a more serious take on fighting games that we have previously been privy to with the Tekken games.  I'm anticipating that this game will be little more than a novelty, similar to the Marvel VS Capcom series.  However, the developers contend that the cooperation between the two teams has created an experience worth purchasing.

In any case it appears like the Tokyo Game Show didn't have much to offer that E3 hadn't previously debuted, but it's still a good time.  The cosplay, the merchandise, the demos, the trailers, the artwork, everything is all part of the experience.  And guess what?  TGS is even open to the public after a period of time.  If I'm ever in Tokyo at the same time as this is going on I'm fairly certain that I will be there every single day that I can, and if you've already been able to go, well, good for you, ass.  I'm not jealous or anything.

Post 30: Video Game Violence

Keeping up with the Dead Island theme for this week, I wanted to just shoot out a quick blurb concerning some of the buzz around the first trailer.  Yes, I know this debuted some time ago, but I'm just seeing some of the stories now so bear with me.  NPR commentators believe that the trailer went too far with the death of the little girl, but you should check it out yourself.  I agree that the trailer is shocking and disturbing, but it's nothing that the world hasn't seen before.

The most recent Dawn of the Dead began with a little girl turned zombie.  This one wasn't killed, mind you, but it evokes some of the same raw horror.  As it turns out this same piece of trailer is very, very interesting to some Hollywood parties. A Dead Island movie would have a great audience as long as it stayed true to the heart of the game.  Like the Resident Evil franchise, though, you also have to be careful about recreating characters that gamers know and love because it can easily backfire.

My real quandary with people who have issues with graphic violence in video games is that it's all been done before on TV or in movies and when it hit there, there was little to no regard to it's horribleness.  Only when it hits a console does the attention of the Jack Thompsons of the world get captured.  I agree that interactivity with violent acts may be more harmful to the psyche of a young child than that of a cartoon, but that's why there are ratings.  It's up to the parents to keep content like Dead Island out of the hands of their seven year old children, and don't give me that "the ratings are confusing" bullshit because they couldn't be any clearer.  All in all, the ratings system and parents should work together to ensure that the appropriate content for all ages reaches it's intended audience.  As for Dead Island, yes it's horrible, but it's a survival-horror game and tries to bring the experience of a zombie movie to your console.  To do that it needs to shock and awe with an audience that's rightly aged for it's violence; one that has a separation of reality and fantasy.  As for Jack Thompson, well, he can just go shove it.

Post 29: Dead Island Revisited

A still from the gruesome trailer that NPR has labeled uncomfortable due to graphic violence.

Despite several setbacks, including an issue with profane and inappropriate comments included in the code of the game, Dead Island manages to be a well put together game. The issue can be found in the archives of my blog, but it has little to do with the game's overall playability so I won't dredge it up again.  I simply want to attack the meat of the game rather than it's construction problems; I'll leave that to the media.

Zombie hugs are some of the least gratifying.

The game's premise is that a zombie infestation has occurred on a resort island.  Players choose from four characters, each with their own specific set of skills.  There's a tank, a gun-expert, a throwing-expert, and a bladed weapons specialist.  No matter who you choose, the story remains consistent.  In fact it's so consistent that if you are logged onto Xbox Live and you are "near" someone in the story, they can join your game and insert themselves in to help you or for you to help them.  It works both ways, not much unlike a bisexual.  In any case, this is majorly annoying for those of us that just want to game by ourselves for an hour or two.  It's like some jerk-off knocking on your door and letting himself in whenever the fuck they want.  Luckily, you can change the options here and adjust it to your liking.  There are sometimes, however, that you will want someone to join you, like in a heavily infested area, and in those times it's acceptable.

Machete: 1 Zombie: 0

The idea is to try and survive on the island so that an escape plan can be put together.  Of course, the only obstacle between you and sweet, blissful escape is an entire resort of zombies and idiot survivors that need your help.  You progress in the story, and in areas on the island, by completing main and side quests.  For completing these quests you earn experience, level up, and gain skill points to spend on the skills unique to each character.  This type of gaming setup is very reminiscent of say the Diablo series or Borderlands.  In fact, Dead Island may as well be Borderlands on an island.  The main differences are that you're up against zombies, you're on Earth, and there's an emphasis on melee combat.  Let's talk about the combat while we're on the subject.

It's like a Zombie bug zapper.

As I stated, the combat is focused on melee.  To that end, there are two types of weapons, blunt and bladed.  Whichever you decide upon is usually based on which character you chose and how you want to develop your skills.  All of the weapons you find have a chance of being Common, Uncommon, Rare, Unique, or Exceptional with each category being more powerful than the last.  Add to that a weapon modification system a la Dead Rising 2 and you've got yourself one hell of a good weapons system.  So at this point it's a typical first-person hack and slash, but you've got some choices in combat.  You can take the time to focus on a particular limb and break it, or cut it off depending on the weapon type, or just go all out and waste your stamina on the whole thing.  Either way it makes for a good time as you hack limbs and bust heads.  Even when guns become involved, I have no problem saying that the combat system is excellent.

I don't know why this is here.

The quests are a bit broken and cause some confusion on my part.  There is a difficulty value for every quest, but it seems like it's arbitrary.  A quest may say hard, but you breeze through it like it's very easy.  I'm not sure what determines the difficulty, so this may just be a misunderstanding from my perspective, but it's a point of contention that I had to bring up.  Another issue is the pathing for the quest trails on the map.  If you go a way different from the path on your mini-map it corrects the trail.  This is great if you're an idiot, otherwise it just pisses you the hell off.  One time in particular I was traveling through a bazaar and the end comes out into a car.  There was plenty of room to move over or to the left of the car, but the pathing told me to go around to the right and out to the left again.  This happens constantly and I find myself backtracking or going off the path just to reach my destination.  You'd think it wouldn't be too hard, just get from A to B.

My final complaint about the game is based upon the realism.  I love the graphics, plot, and almost everything else about this game, but it comes across as too real at many times.  You run out of stamina a lot.  Stamina is tracked with a bar.  Once the bar runs out, you slow down and can't attack or jump until you regain it.  That's fine, but it happens way too fucking often.  The horror aspect of the story is wonderful and I actually get scared sometimes when playing alone, but some of the roars and moans are just disturbing and even annoying after awhile.  Despite all of the realism that makes me angry, like people who sell weapons and items jacking up the prices to a ridiculous plateau, the worst of all is the fact that the zombies can utilize weapons.  For instance, I was just running away from a few zombies to get some distance on them and shoot them down due to damage suffered from a close encounter.  With normal zombies that's no problem, they shamble over to you and you cut them down with bullets, game over, but of course here that's not the case.  I got away and took down two of the remaining three, but one of the fuckers threw, yes they can use and throw weapons, a wooden plank at me and killed me.  Talk about being pissed the hell off.  If you're going to have attention to detail and realism that's fine, but at least be fucking consistent.  Zombies cannot use goddamn weapons they're brainless, alright?  BRAINLESS.

Bonus Retro Game of the Week: Ghostbusters II

Indeed.

Ghostbusters II is a unique specimen.  Not only is the movie vastly different from the first, but the games are also vastly different from the first and from each other.  I'm not going to judge the movies again, I already did that, but I do want to talk about the games.  My first complaint centers around why there are different versions of this game.  If you look at the first Ghostbusters game across all of the platforms it was the same game, Sega Master System, NES, the Atari, and the home computers of the time all had the same cross-platform game.  That makes sense and even fits the profile of cross-platform games today, though there are some minor differences.  But why did there need to be four different versions of the game across each platform?  The reason to make all of the games the same is to allow all gamers to be able to have the same overall experience no matter what system they own.  That way, when a developer makes a game, they don't have to specify a platform or waste time creating a different game for each console.

What a beast.

Let's start into the games with the Atari 2600 version.  Activision was lined up to develop a version of Ghostbusters 2 on this console to match up with the original game's release. Unfortunately, by 1989, Nintendo and Sega were already dominating the market and relegating Atari's old consoles to the dust heap of the video gaming age.  Sales were already too slow for Activision to even think about continuing development on a game for this dinosaur.  Oddly enough, a British gaming company eventually released the game in Europe.  Due to some licensing issues, Ghostbusters 2 for the Atari cannot be released onto the anthologies that come out from time to time.

Ah yes, low-resolution PC glory.

The PC version of the game was released though, and it looks something like the pic on the right.  It looks like Ray is being lowered into a river of Spaghetti-Os.  The game here consists of several arcade screens haphazardly jumbled together in chronological order according to the progression of the movie.  The first level is Ray being lowered to the slime.  During his descent he needs to collect health, ammo, and the slime scoop for collection purposes.  Along the way, the player will need to dodge and battle ghosts that try to collide with Ray and cut the rope he's connected to.  The second level is the march to the museum.  You control the fireball on the torch, however that's supposed to be working now, and the goal is to protect the statue as it continues along the path.  The final level of the game, that's right there are only three damn levels, pits the player against Janosz, Vigo, and finally the possessed Ray.  Oddly enough, there are some versions of the PC game that actually include another level from the movie scene that takes place in the courthouse.

This is just disturbing, like a Ghostbuster bukkake.

The most well-recognized version of the game was created for the NES.  It's a classic side-scroller where you dodge obstacles, shoot enemies, and drive the Ghostbusters hearse across New York in an attempt to stop Vigo.  Each level has the player get from point A to B using their slime pack, yeah not the proton pack which would be more fun in every circumstance, to eliminate enemies.  The only issues that I really have with this game is that the gun controls are sticky and the game is way too fucking monotonous.  Each movement of the gun feels like you need to crank the d-pad hard enough to break it and every single level of the game is the same.  Either you're driving the car or your dodging shit on foot.  There are no bosses, no bonus games, and no variety whatsoever.  Lame as shit, moving on.

The Genesis is where it's at.

The final version of Ghostbusters 2 is on the Genesis.  Just to be clear, this isn't based on the second movie, but rather the first it's just the second game that Sega released of Ghostbusters and came out around the same time as the others Ghostbusters 2 games.  All that means that it gets lumped together with other games that are way below it's own station.  To be honest, this game is little short of perfection.  It brings together great controls, good action, and Ghostbusters goodness.  It goes back to that simulation idea of the first game, but it does it on a scale that only includes earning money and using it to buy upgrades.  The gun controls are not stiff and feel almost as fluid as Contra.  The idea is to clear each level of the mini-bosses and boss ghosts to earn money, buy upgrades, and get to the next level.  Each level is non-linear and acts much like a maze that gives you multiple paths to each room and powerups along the way.  The Genesis Ghostbusters is by far the best, even through today.

Each game is decent in it's own right and time period, but the main problem is the version issue.  Activision made some stupid decisions concerning their wasted time and efforts on each platform.  Today companies are streamlined and market-conscious enough to realize that creating several versions of one game across all platforms doesn't provide the gamer with the best experience.  My suggestion to 3rd party developers is to develop the game for the end-user not for individual consoles.  Ghostbusters 2 should have been developed across all platforms in the same fashion as Ghostbusters on the Genesis.  Each system could have handled the improvements save for the Atari.  Instead we get a confusing mess of ridiculous version retardation.

Post 28: Tokyo Game Show

So I've been really wrapped up in Dead Island, which I purchased this last weekend, and haven't had time to finish my posts on Ghostbusters.  I may just end up saving Ghostbusters 2 until this weekend on my normal Retro Game of the Week day.  Whatever, I'll figure it out.

Also since I've been so involved in my new game I haven't had time to compile an actual post, so I'm going to leave you with this.  Take a look at all the funny people in Tokyo dressing up and being crazy.  Enjoy.

Retro Game of the Week: Ghostbusters

The ghost look so surprised.

I am a huge fan of simulation games.  When it comes right down to it, I could play Sim City for a few hours a day and really enjoy myself.  Unfortunately there are some simulation games that are boring, too complex, or just downright annoying.  Ghostbusters for the NES falls into all three categories.  I do have to go on record, again, and say that I fucking love Ghostbusters, but this game is just the shits.  It's a great idea, but poorly executed and on a system that just cannot handle what the game could have, and should have, been.  Let's start with the box on the left.  If you were to pick up this game back in 1988, there's little to no indication that you may not be getting what you want.  All you know is that you're getting Ghostbusters the video game and you're shitting your pants because you're just that damn excited.  Well, when you get home, change pants, and put that game in your Nintendo all your excitement is going to fall right out your ass.

Bustin' ghosts.

As soon as you start the game you get this voice yelling out Ghostbusters and you immediately get crapped out to the screen on the right.  The player takes control of the Ghostbusters logo.  So your first inclination might be that the game is some sort of Pac-Man clone, but by the time you travel all over the board, you find out that touching the ghosts only freezes them for a short period of time and that some of the buildings flash red.  Well, here's the scoop, those red buildings are haunted by ghosts and you need to bust 'em.  But how?  The game doesn't gives you one fucking clue.  You need a Proton Pack.  Oh, right, duh, there's a freaking shop up there.  Before you can actually go into the shop, you need to drive there.  No, not on the overworld map, but on a different screen.  You drive the damn car avoiding drunk drivers and obstacles or you lose money, and you need money to buy your equipment, which means you really need to be on top of things.  So you go to the shop and buy your pack and a trap and you're all set to go out and bust the hell out of some spirits.

Literally the only picture I could use.

So you head back out onto the overworld and zip on over to a red flashing building.  When you get there and go inside, the game forces you to drive there yet again.  After avoiding the damn obstacles for the second time you finally get to shoot some ghosts, and hell, it sucks too.  Your beam controls are as stiff as a corpse and the ghosts move too high up or too low down to capture almost every single time you get to this screen.  Even if you manage to get a ghost over the trap, it's almost up to pure luck if you capture it or not.  Oh yeah, and don't cross the streams, if you do, you disintegrate.  So if you finally capture a ghost or two you get some money.  Gain enough money and you can buy other worthless shit like Ghost Food, an upgraded Proton Pack, or better gear that has greater defense against ghosts.  So where exactly would you use this Ghost Food or defensive gear?  So far all we've seen are the overworld, driving, and ghost busting scenes and you can't exactly use items there.  In any case, now that you've gotten some ghosts you need to empty your trap and buy a new one.  That's right, you can't use one trap forever, you need to keep buying them.

This is very gray, too gray in fact.

So once you hit the shop again, you need to do the driving scene all over.  Fun.  By now, though, your gas meter is probably pretty low and you don't know why the fuck you have a gas meter anyway.  Well guess what?  You need to get gas for your damn car too.  For now you run out of gas and the sprites get out and push the car to the gas station, which costs more money.  So now you've wasted your precious ghost busting fee on gas and you can't buy that upgraded Proton Pack.  Fucknuts.  Whatever, you buy another trap and go after more ghosts.  After about an hour or so of doing this shit, you're still not any further along.  I had the problem of just spending my fees on new traps, gas, and getting hit in the driving stages.  It's like you were exercising only to go back to McDonalds any time that you made any progress at all, except without the addiction and food.  There's no food in Ghostbusters for NES.

Endgame staircases are harder to climb than any other type of staircase.  This is a fact.

Also after about an hour something flashes across the bottom of the screen.  Every time this happened while I was playing I barely caught the tail end of it.  The message just flies across the bottom of the screen at warp-fucking-speed.  Essentially it's telling you that you can now go into the Zuul building and play the rest of the game.  Finally.  Anyway, what you see next is the screen above.  Here you have to play stairmaster and avoid the ghosts.  This is where the defensive gear comes in handy, cause three hits and you're done, and you need to be almost flawless to beat this fuckfest.  Good luck.

The boss in an NES game is a naked woman-man. Fun.

At the top of the stairs, the next screen greets you and the game actually becomes fun for about five minutes until you beat the everliving shit out of the crazy bitch.  You dodge bullets here and fire back with your proton packs until she's toast.  The game ends and you get a shitty black and white ending screen with misspelled words and horrible grammar.  Yay.

Alright, I'm over it.  Hopefully now you see what I mean.  The game is way too boring.  I mean, how many times do you have to play the same freaking driving scene or the same ghost capturing scene?  Seriously, the only fun part of the game is the end where you're mimicking a 2D vertical shooter.  And talk about complex: why do you need to buy gas?  Getting down into that level of detail is just not needed here, it only creates problems for the gamer and causes them to get too frustrated to enjoy or finish the game.  The annoyance of this game is on full throttle and it shows with all of the same scenes, frustrating gameplay, and lackluster music.  I didn't mention this before, but the music is really annoying.  It's a decent rendition of the Ghostbusters theme, but it never stops.  Ever.  You'll want to cut your own ears off just to stop the noise.

Like I was saying at the beginning, I love simulation games, but this is just ass.  There's definitely an issue with the limitations of the NES and if it were on the SNES a few years later, I think that with some alterations, this could have been a good game, like SimCity.  The best change that this game could use though, is a change in location.  It needs to be located right in the fucking toilet.  Just drop that game right in like the shit bomb it is and move on with your life.

Post 27: Party Games

You may have noticed that I changed days in my subjects to posts.  I figured it was stupid to track the days when there are days that I don't write anything.  Plus, posts provides a better experience for you, the reader.  If you don't like to think of things in days, that is.



Whoever this guy is, he has a shitty hand.

 Remember in the days of yore, when your parents would have a party and sit around drinking scotch or whatever and playing cards with their friends?  The drinks may have changed today, but not much about party games has.  There are a ton of card and board games out there that are excellent to play with a bunch of friends, but the best party games nowadays are all on your video game console.  I'm not saying that you need to go out and burn all of your old games, I just want to introduce you to the mounds of fun that are readily available for your gaming system, at least all of the ones that I give at least two shits about.  One shit games just don't make my list.

One hell of a party.  Yeehaw.

Let's start off with one of the greatest, in my opinion, party games of all time.  Yes, Mario Party could be classified as a retro game, but I'm including it here because there are so fucking many of them.  Even though there are as many of these as there are The Land Before Time movies, they can still be decent games.  Each one has the same premise, you go around a giant game board trying to get stars.  The player with the most stars at the end of the game wins.  To gather the winning components, you must collect coins and win mini-games.  The coins are used to purchase items and stars while the winners of the mini-games can win items, coins, or stars.  Of course, the mini-games are also the worst part of the games.  For the most part, they're ridiculous half-assed version of go-karting, drawing, and even bumper cars.  Some are okay, but by the end of a few games you'll have tired of them.



So many characters it's like a buffet.

Sticking with the Nintendo groove for the moment, let's shift genre gears and take a look at Super Smash Bros. Brawl.  I played a metric shit ton of SSBM in high school and this newer version in college, which leaves me with two things to say about the series:  It's freaking amazing with a bunch of people, and it's shitty because it's always dominated by the best players.  I was pretty good at the game, though I've lost my touch for now as I haven't played in over a year, and always ended up in the final two fighters.  Of course this wasn't bad for me per se, but it becomes annoying as time goes on that the same people always use the same move with the same character and win over and over again.

Drums = Paris Hilton

Moving on, I feel like I need to address the musical game revolution.  I'll clump them all into one massive pile, because that's where most of them belong.  Specifically Rock Band sticks out as a great party game.  Who doesn't want to be in a band?  The only problem that I can foresee here is that there's a lot of expensive junk being beat on by a bunch of different people until each one is a worn down shell of it's former self.  By the end of a night of gaming your drums probably look like Paris Hilton after a regular Friday night, both banged by way too many people in a row.  Another game that can be pulled out of this mess is Karaoke Revolution.  It's just a mediocre karaoke machine on your console that's wasting dollars in your wallet and space in your DVD binder.

Another type of party game that needs to be addressed is family/board games.  One that I have a particular issue with is the Scene It series.  If you don't know, Scene It is a board game where you have to asnwer questions based off of various or specific TV shows and/or movies.  Oh, and a onus is that it's got a DVD to play along with it.  So wait, it's now a video game too?  What the fuck is the difference?  It's the same damn thing.  Why not freaking play it with the board and DVD where it's roughly $20 less expensive?!  Ugh, makes me sick.  In any case, why would you play ANY board game on your console, just use the fucking board!

A final type of game that I need to address is Kinect party games.  These are pretty fun and get you moving quite a bit, but it takes a lot of shuffling and complaining before you get some type of order going as the max amount of players at a time is really two.  Of course if you have like 30 people playing Fruit Ninja Kinect, you'd probably be better going bowling.

So the main problem with the newer generation of party games is that they are limited by the number of controllers, total players, or just by space, and really, have the games changed much from sitting around table playing cards?  it's pretty much that you're still playing your board game, but it's on TV rather than sitting on a table.  I have to ask, what's the fucking point?  Smash Bros. I understand, it's a game that cannot be manipulated or recreated using a board or cards or karaoke machine or real musical instruments, but for all of the others why put the game on a console?  If you're going to play Scene It or Monopoly on 360, put that fucking controller down and pick up that cardboard; it'll save you some cash and make you look less like an idiot.

Post 26: Resident Evil 5

Who doesn't know about Resident Evil?  It is literally one of the greatest, and most successful, gaming franchises in video gaming history.  Not only have there been a ton of cross-platform games that started with the original from the PS1 in 1996.  Since that inception point, there have been sequels, prequels, offshoots, and four live-action movies the most recent one in stunning 3D.  The games are the epitome of survival horror games and involve one, or two in the more recent games, characters trying to solve a mystery, escape or destroy zombies, and stop the plots of evil villains from the Umbrella pharmaceutical corporation.  Each of the early games surrounded the original events in Raccoon City, where Umbrella originally unleashed the T-Virus, the virus that revives dead cells and subsequently created the zombie infestation.  In Resident Evil 4, it is discovered that the original creatures that the makings of this virus came from still exist.  The fifth game brings a lot of the mysteries to a conclusion and wraps back in one of the original characters and villains for a stunning end of the game for any fan of the series.  I'm going to talk about the gameplay for Resident Evil 5 today, but going forward, I may wrap in a few of the older and newer games as I continue to delve into the series.

His pants are oddly bunched...

The game centers around one of the first game's main protagonists: Chris Redfield.  He goes to Africa as part of an international group battling biological terrorists in an ultimate quest to end the Umbrella corporation once and for all.  Once there, he teams up with Sheva Alemar, the character that the second player will be, and they head out as a team to fight against a zombie plague that's taken over portions of Africa.  The game plays very similarly to Resident Evil 4, in which you use the controller to switch between Ready mode and Movement mode.  Ready mode allows you to shoot or knife enemies, while Movement mode allows you to move and perform actions.  Some of the actions in the game force you to work with your partner to jump large gaps, climb large buildings, or even move a raft while the other player has to dodge giant crocodiles.  The two-player option here really shines out as it can make for a very intense gaming session even though the horror aspect is downplayed a bit when you have a friend with you.

Gotta love item management like this.

At the end of every level you get to use the money you've collected to buy weapons, items, and upgrades.  There's also a treasure hunt that spans the entire game.  Each individual one can be extremely hard to find, so you need to keep your eyes peeled if you're trying to get the achievement of gathering the entire hoard.  Now that we've learned how the whole shebang works, let's dig into the meat of the damn game.

Giant boss action.  Shoot him in the face!

So as I said, you travel throughout Africa killing zombies and uncovering the secrets of the T-Virus.  The first area that you travel in is a couple of random villages.  There are some good moments here where you have some covering fire from a helicopter while you push your way through a ton of zombies that poke their heads out from hiding to fire a few random shots at you every now and again.  Right, these aren't your brainless zombies, instead they're humans that have been infected by creatures that are cousins to the T-Virus.  In any case, at the end of the level you face off against a crazy black-goo monster that you have to take out using a bit of strategy and flaming explosive gas barrels.  Fuck yeah.  You find a document and head out into the marshes where you fight in a free-roaming area against sniper zombies, crocodiles, and crazed tribals while collecting pieces of a key to open a door into the tribal village.  This is a difficult area due to the fact that one person has to drive a boat while the other has to manage to fend off all of the snipers.  It makes for some fun, but damn is it hard the first time through.  The boss here is a giant squid type-thing that you take out with missile turrets.  Another sweet boss battle down and you head into a cave leading down to some ruins.

Chrrrrriiiiiiissssss~!

The ruins lead down into a cave that leads into a facility that created the virus that came before the T-Virus.  Here's where the story comes full circle, but I'm just going to ignore that and continue on with the game.  If I were to tell the whole story, we'd be here forever.  This is where you first encounter the most annoying ass enemy in the game, save for the final boss.  Fucking dog/brain/tongue monsters are damn tough.  Not only are they difficult to hit, but they strangle you.  What's better, they come in frickin' herds rather than one-by-one.  Fun, right?  Further into the facility, you fight a giant-ass spider boss.  This guy needs to be shot up until he opens his mouth, then you toss a grenade in.  He goes down pretty easy and you move onto the end of the ruins where you have your first taste of Wesker.

Does Albert Wesker need to choke a bitch?

It took me a long time to master this fight with Wesker.  You have to catch him unawares to actually damage him, but it's difficult since he's a superhuman infused with T-Virus.  Once you beat him, he runs away to his big 'ol ship where you eventually follow, but you need to first rip a giant red thing off of Jill Valentine's chest.  The second part of this fight isn't too difficult, you just need to get in close and tap buttons at the right time.  Once Jill's free of the technological control of whatever the fuck that red thing on her chest was.  Chris and Sheva run to catch Wesker.  On the tanker ship, you battle more and more zombies with increasing difficulty and stronger weaponry.  Also found on the ship is a huge number of missiles containing a virus that Wesker believes will push evolution to the max and make the strong the rulers of the Earth.  Why yes, Wesker does have some mental instability, most likely as a side-effect of the virus that he constantly injects himself with.  Once you finish with the tanker area, you find Wesker boarding a plane armed with some of the missiles.  This fight is a bit easier than the first time with the boss because of the free missile launchers everywhere.  Pick up those bad boys, shoot the fucker in the face, and then stab him with an injector.  A few shots of that shit and he tries to leave, but you hop into the plane before he gets away.

I'm thinking he needs his sunglasses back.

After what I thought was the final battle is a battle after you crash in a volcano.  That's right a fucking volcano.  You've now crashed, Wesker has transformed into a damn demon, and you have to fight him with whatever ammo you have left IN A VOLCANO.  It's like the developers threw everything they could into the same fight.  I'm surprised that there aren't any tornadoes, hurricanes, magnetic storms, lightning bursts, and gateways to hell opening up in the same vicinity.  It's like, why not put every hazard we can in the same fight?  Task one is to reach Wesker by running through the volcano, which is easier said than done unless you've played before.  Then, when you finally reach the bastard, it literally drains every shot you have to take him out, and get this, he even has the strength left to try to take you out as you leave in a helicopter.  Man, this guy is like Agent Smith on crack.

This game is overall excellent, I just had a few issues with some of the enemies that seem to be a bit unfair.  The challenge isn't bad at all, it's just something that I wasn't expecting.  My second time through was easier than the first because I knew what to expect.  But isn't that what a survival horror game should be like?  I shouldn't have known what was coming and it should have some decent difficulty, so shouldn't I be happy with it?  Well, even with my own issues, this game is a great addition to the series and is a must-have for any system.  If you've never played Resident Evil because you're scared or too young; whatever the reason, play this game as a starter to the series and work your way back.  It's a great time and you can complete the experience with books, movies, and anime.  Just get out there and start some zombie-killing fun.

Post 25: Ghostbusters

The life force of all gamers.

Picture this: It's 3AM in the morning and you're sitting around in your underwear playing Darksiders or some bullshit, and you get up to grab a Dew.  You walk into the kitchen and bust open the fridge, but you don't find a life-giving, caffeinated rink.  Instead you find a second dimension.  A disembodied voice booms out "Zool," and you shit your pants.  Who the fuck are you gonna call?  I'm not sure that Jay and Grant from TAPS are going to be your best bet here, they mostly handle the more mundane, non-violent hauntings.  Instead, this is a job for the Ghostbusters.  Yeeeaah.

I ain't afraid of no ghosts!

1984 is the year that the first movie came out and it was a huge hit. The film was a great cross between the horror, comedy, and science fiction genres and it generated enough prestige and fanbase to cause need for a sequel.  If you don't know about Ghostbusters, you'd better get your ass out to a rental place, or log onto Netflix, because this baby's a piece of history.  The premise is that a few parapsychologists form a ghost hunting team and clean up New York.  Unfortunately, they also kind of cause a cataclysmic event for the entire city that ends up with them having to save the city from a giant marshmallow man and a crazy genderless lady-boy.  Fun times.  Ghostbusters 2 was less well-received but it kept the original ghostbusting spirit.  Ultimately the audience and critics were mixed on their receptions of the movie and it gave the Ghostbuster legacy a single bad mark in the minds of most people.  For me, both of these movies constitute a great entertainment experience and I'll throw them in any time to relive old memories and hear those one-liners for the fiftieth time.  Of course, if you aren't in the mood for a film-trip down memory lane, you can always pull out your old Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters II video games and fuck about with those for awhile.

Not a real poster by any means.

I'm going to use both games as my Retro Game of the Week, so expect a two-day post there, and it's only fitting given the ground-breaking even that's up and coming in 2012.  That's right, Ghostbusters 3 is coming.  I am completely psyched for it.  That's why today I wanted to take a glance at the latest Ghostbusters video game that came out in 2009.  I grabbed the game for almost nothing at a closeout sale and was pleasantly surprised, but we'll get into the meat of it below.  For now, I just need to end this paragraph.

Ghostbusters: The Video Game is a third person shooter that was released across all platforms.  The main reason that I enjoyed it was the super-nostalgia factor.  Not only did many of the actors provide their likenesses and voices to the game, but many of the levels are familiar from the first movie.  When you were a kid, didn't you want a proton pack to capture ghosts with in an environment where all the other kids didn't think you needed counseling?  Well now's your chance.  The game puts you into the shoes of a new recruit for the Ghostbusters crew.  As the "Rookie" you go around from level to level using the PKE meter and goggles to find paranormal activity.  Once you find it you proton pack it to a weakened state and then capture it with a trap.  Think of the trap like a Poke Ball.  In Pokemon, if you didn't weaken the other Pokemon enough, it could escape.  The same principle applies here.  You can also use your proton pack to interact with objects in the environment, though most times this ends in your breaking of shit and losing money.  Money is used to purchase upgrades and is generally good, similar to real life.  There are times that having a steady hand to move objects in the world is integral to the mission.

This is epic, I can just smell the burnt marshmallow.

The plot takes place two years after Ghostbusters 2 and involves a giant PKE shockwave that causes a ton of ghosts to be released into the city, including our old friend Stay Puft.  Fighting and running away from Stay Puft is an excellent level.  You're basically running through a maze of fire, traffic, and marshmallow while the giant guy hounds you.  Eventually though you get to beat the ever-loving mallow out of him, and damn is it satisfying.  The story leads the group back to the original designer of the Central Park West building from the first movie.  It turns out that he was designing buildings and tunnels to channel slime throughout the city.  Essentially it's a means to merge the real world with the ghost world.  Eventually they find a mansion that came out of the water near New York and they go to inspect.  This level is extremely interesting and graphically fun as it's very mechanized-looking.  You have to find all of the busters and rescue them from various traps strewn throughout while you demolish several machines that pump slime out into the tunnels for the grand design.

My game froze as I got to the final level.  Bunch of shit, right?  I was so pissed.  I tried to play it about seventeen times and finally gave up. Essentially the final level involves exorcising a ghost and fighting the architect in his Destructor form.  It sounds really exciting, but I've never played it.  My goal is to re-play all of the Ghostbusters games before the third movie is released to theaters so that I can experience everything to do with the series.  If you have never seen Ghostbusters, go see it.  If you haven't played the game, go play them.  In 2012, go see the movie.  Like I said, Ghostbusters is a piece of our history and it's integral that it be added to everyone's film repertoire.  Even if you don't like it.  Of course, in that event I'm going to have to freak the hell out and sic Stay Puft on you.